It is scary when I get down to writing like this because it means there is a problem in my life. And even though I am not sure if I have one, I am writing. Adding to my fear.
I do not know what is really wrong right now and I cannot really put my finger on it but i just feel lost and not happy. How can I be wrong all the time and every-time? Am I that lame? Am I that dumb? I dont think so and really hope not. Because I wouldn't be able t bear that about myself. My self confidence is shaken and i think i doubt myself which is disgusting. I am not like that.
I cant imagine how many times i have said I want to be born a man in my next life. And i hate myself for it. But for scores of men in this world, the reasons for this sort of statement would make me a feminist and ofcourse the female fraternity would chew me alive for this thought to even cross my mind.
But it really is a fact. On a festival, the men can wear jeans and t shirt but the woman must wear a heavy flashy suit. Men dont have to wear the heavy metallic jewellery in the heat but a woman must. A woman can go out and do her job but is still expected to come home and fix everything including a child's routine without any help because that is what a woman does. Then oh man! will you please earn enough for my family to lead the life we are because of the double income? Can you double your salary today so that i can quit my job and spend all my love for my adorable child? Spend time seeing and experiencing all the firsts that he does? Spend time teaching him things that i always dreamed of? Raising him just the way i wanted him to? Spend time at home without feeling guilty of ignoring my house and child at the hands of another person? Can i live a guilt free life? Because i dont deserve it. I dont deserve it when you work for 5 hours and come back home to plonk yourself on the bed with a quilt over sinking yourself in the video games - internet - television or any other form or recreational activity. Because that is when i feel sad and my mind goes awry on the fact that after al that i do - i still feel the guilt and after all that you dont do, you feel that is your birth right.
I want to be born a man in my next life.
I do not know what is really wrong right now and I cannot really put my finger on it but i just feel lost and not happy. How can I be wrong all the time and every-time? Am I that lame? Am I that dumb? I dont think so and really hope not. Because I wouldn't be able t bear that about myself. My self confidence is shaken and i think i doubt myself which is disgusting. I am not like that.
I cant imagine how many times i have said I want to be born a man in my next life. And i hate myself for it. But for scores of men in this world, the reasons for this sort of statement would make me a feminist and ofcourse the female fraternity would chew me alive for this thought to even cross my mind.
But it really is a fact. On a festival, the men can wear jeans and t shirt but the woman must wear a heavy flashy suit. Men dont have to wear the heavy metallic jewellery in the heat but a woman must. A woman can go out and do her job but is still expected to come home and fix everything including a child's routine without any help because that is what a woman does. Then oh man! will you please earn enough for my family to lead the life we are because of the double income? Can you double your salary today so that i can quit my job and spend all my love for my adorable child? Spend time seeing and experiencing all the firsts that he does? Spend time teaching him things that i always dreamed of? Raising him just the way i wanted him to? Spend time at home without feeling guilty of ignoring my house and child at the hands of another person? Can i live a guilt free life? Because i dont deserve it. I dont deserve it when you work for 5 hours and come back home to plonk yourself on the bed with a quilt over sinking yourself in the video games - internet - television or any other form or recreational activity. Because that is when i feel sad and my mind goes awry on the fact that after al that i do - i still feel the guilt and after all that you dont do, you feel that is your birth right.
I want to be born a man in my next life.
