Treasure Hunt

There is strong notion what is right and what is wrong . Atleast in my head. I know what I want from my life and I know I definitely want it. I see myself in a particular way, style. I don't want to be someone but neither do I want to be anyone. I surely have a purpose to be around, I know. But what is my true calling? I'm still deciphering.

Contradiction? Yes it is. I know I want to dance, act , film. But do I want to dance my life through? Do I want to act my way through? Do I want to make commercial films or do I want to make the film that I want to make- losses or no losses. Honestly I'm not sure of any of the answers to these questions.

I think I just want to be free. I just want to live my life meandering through the planes I have chosen. Sometimes i skew towards dance and sometimes I act for my pleasure and when I think I am ready, I make a film. Ideally, for myself for the world to see. But will I ever do any of it? I hate the way practicality just sweeps in a direction opposite to your spirit. I hate it that practicality never agrees with the within. I hate it when practicality just doesn't let me be me.

And so, I still hunt for my true calling. I feel dazed and inadequate knowing its all not happening and in the process perhaps lose my identity. Which brings me to the next question. As I grasp to retain my identity, am I being selfish? In the practical world, I can hear the shouts of "No" almost in surprise and disgust - a fusion of emotion that is very easily relatable.
To them I would just like to ask, would you change even an iota for the people who love you the most? Would you let go of just on identity to see those people smile?

And as I debate this in my head, the treasure to the Utopian life still eludes me...